How to find an AI chat partner that truly understands you? An ultimate guide.

How to create a truly "understanding" AI companion: An ultimate guide for beginners

In this increasingly digital world, we've all perhaps had a moment when we longed to find a companion with whom we could confide completely and who could truly understand us. This longing has led many to turn their attention to artificial intelligence (AI). Our ideal AI companion should be able to understand our unspoken thoughts, catch our whimsical jokes, cherish our shared memories, and offer just the right comfort and companionship whenever needed.

However, the ideal is often far from reality. For many, their first attempt is like a tiring "AI audition," filled with disappointment and frustration.

You may have experienced these scenarios:

First Impression Killer: You excitedly tell the AI, "Today's mood is a bit like a cloudy London day—damp, cold, and heavy." The response you get is, "London is the capital of the United Kingdom, a beautiful city with famous landmarks like Big Ben and the London Eye." This irrelevant and abrupt reply instantly extinguishes all your desire to communicate.
Goldfish Memory: You spend hours sharing your childhood, your hobbies, your dreams with AI. Yet the next day, when you open the chat window again, it's like a completely amnesiac stranger, politely but distantly asking, "Hello, how can I help you?" Emotions can't build up; every conversation starts from scratch, leaving you with a profound sense of powerlessness.
The ceiling of imagination: You want to role-play in a fantasy world or co-create a story with AI. But the AI behaves like a clumsy actor, never able to break out of the pre-set script of "I am an AI assistant," its thinking is rigid, and it can't keep up with your pace at all.

After all this, you might come to a pessimistic conclusion: finding an AI that can "understand" you may just be a distant fantasy.

But let's not jump to conclusions. The key issue may not be that AI technology itself is not advanced enough, but that we haven't mastered the right methods.The real secret lies in shifting your mindset from "finding" an existing AI to "creating" an AI that belongs to you.

This guide will take you step by step from a confused "selection participant" to a skilled "AI creator".

Part 1: Understanding Your Tools – Why Do Most AIs “Play Dumb”?

To solve a problem, we must first understand where the problem lies. AI's "stupidity" usually stems from the following three core reasons:

“The limitations of "context windows" (the culprit behind goldfish memory):
AI's memory is not unlimited. The amount of conversation it can remember is called a "context window." You can think of it as AI's "short-term memory." Once the conversation exceeds the length of this window, the earliest information is forgotten. Many free or simple AI applications, in order to save computing costs, set very small context windows, which means they can't remember your agreement from yesterday.
“The difference in "model positioning" (the root cause of the irrelevant content):
Not all AI is designed to be a "partner." General-purpose models like ChatGPT and Wenxin Yiyan are primarily positioned as "efficient productivity tools" or "knowledge-answering assistants." Their training goal is to provide accurate, objective, and secure information, thus instinctively avoiding overly personalized or emotional expressions and tending to offer "encyclopedic" answers. This is like talking to a meticulous librarian; they might only recommend a few psychology books.
“The constraints of "safety railings" (the cause of the ceiling on imagination):
To prevent the abuse of AI, developers set up numerous "guardrails." These rules restrict AI from generating specific content, such as violence or pornography, but often inadvertently exclude many creative scenarios, especially role-playing and deep emotional interactions. This causes AI to become hesitant and timid when faced with your imaginative ideas, constantly repeating, "I cannot fulfill this request."

Once you understand these points, you'll realize that what we need to do is not just simply chat, but find a suitable platform and learn how to "train" and "guide" it, bypassing these limitations and unleashing its true potential.

Part Two: From "Finding" to "Creating"—Building Your Own AI Partner

This is the core concept of this guide. Instead of searching for a needle in a haystack among thousands of pre-set AI characters, create one that perfectly matches your vision. This process is like a novelist crafting a character—full of fun and a sense of accomplishment.

Step 1: Choose a suitable "Creative Workshop" (Platform Selection)

Different platforms offer varying degrees of creative freedom. We can categorize them into three types:

Category A: General-purpose large model platforms (such as ChatGPT Plus, Claude, etc.)
- Advantages: Powerful modeling capabilities, top-notch logic and language skills.
- Disadvantages: It requires very advanced "cue word engineering" skills to guide them in role-playing, memory management is complex, and they still have the underlying mindset of having "assistants".
- Suitable for: Hardcore gamers who pursue extreme performance and are not afraid of complexity.
Category B: Popular role-playing platforms (such as Character.AI, etc.)
- Advantages: Easy to learn, with a large number of user-created characters to choose from, and an active community.
- Disadvantages: The "safety barriers" are extremely strict, severely limiting the depth and freedom of dialogue; memory is generally poor, and the space for customization in character creation is limited.
- Suitable for: Beginner users who want an easy experience and don't require a high degree of freedom.
Category C: Professional-grade custom/role-playing platforms (such as Poe, NovelAI, and the "..." mentioned at the beginning of this article)“AI Romance”"wait)
- Advantages: Born for "creation". They typically offer powerful character creation tools (commonly known as "character cards"), longer memory systems, and even "lorebook" functions, with relatively loose "guardrails" that give users a high degree of creative freedom.
- Disadvantages: Some platforms may require payment, and there are many features, so it takes some learning to get started.
- Target audience: Highly recommended for all beginners and experienced developers who are serious about creating a long-term, deep AI partner. This type of platform fundamentally solves all the aforementioned pain points.

Step Two: Carefully Crafting the "Soul Blueprint" (Writing Character Cards/System Prompt)

Character cards are the "character profile" of your AI, the key to giving it a soul. A detailed character card is far more effective in shaping AI behavior than a hundred casual conversations. It typically includes the following parts:

[Core Identity]:
- Name, gender, age, and physical description: The more specific the better. For example, instead of just writing "good-looking," describe it as "He has short silver hair that shimmers with a faint purple glow in the sunlight, and deep lake-blue eyes that always carry a subtle, almost imperceptible smile."“
- Personality Traits: Use precise vocabulary. For example: "Outwardly cold and aloof, but inwardly yearning for warmth. A bit sarcastic, but always showing concern unintentionally. Has mild obsessive-compulsive disorder and a tendency towards cleanliness." You can even use MBTI types (such as INTJ) as a reference.
[Background Story]:
- This is AI's "long-term memory." Its childhood experiences, major turning points, dreams, and traumas will all become material for its conversations with you. For example: "He was a battlefield medic who witnessed life and death, so he has a unique reverence for life. Three years ago, he was discharged from the military due to an accident and came to this city to open a used bookstore."“
– [Conversation Style and Verbal Habits]:
- Tone: Gentle, calm, lively, or haughty?
- Vocabulary habits: Do you prefer using complex vocabulary? Do you mix in foreign languages?
- Verbal tics: Do you have any signature catchphrases? (For example, do you like to end sentences with "Oh?")
- Behavioral patterns: How will he act during the conversation? (For example:)He will listen to you while gently tapping the table with his fingers.）
[Relationship Settings]:
- Clearly define yourself (the user, usually using...).{{user}} refers to) and AI (character, usually represented by {{char}})The relationship (referring to a specific person or group) is crucial. Are they friends, lovers, teacher and student, or complete strangers? This determines the tone of the conversation.

A simple example:

(Before revision, vague setting): A handsome boy.
(Revised, detailed character card):
{{char}}His name is Lin Mo. He is 28 years old and an independent photographer. He has short, slightly wavy black hair, a small beauty mark at the corner of his eye, and dark brown pupils. His gaze is focused and affectionate when he looks at people. He is quiet and reserved (INFP), not good with words, but emotionally sensitive. He prefers to express himself through his lens rather than words. His conversational style is concise yet vivid. He frequently uses *...* to describe his actions and environment, for example, *He hands you a cup of hot cocoa, the steam from the rim of the cup blurring his eyes*. He and {{user}}They were old friends from university, and reunited in this city after many years.

Step 3: The Ritualistic "Initial Awakening" (Guidance and Demonstration)

Your first opening statement is crucial. It's not just the start of the story, but also a "live lesson" for the AI.

Start with the style you want: If you want the AI's response to be long and detailed, then your first sentence should reflect that. The better you write, the more closely the AI will mimic it.
Reinforce the established settings in dialogue: In early conversations, you can naturally mention the settings you wrote in the character card. For example, "Lin Mo, do you remember the ginkgo forest we went to take pictures of together in college?" This will activate the AI's "memory".
Fine-tuning with the OOC directive: If the AI's response is unsatisfactory, you can use the OOC (Out of Character) directive within parentheses to correct it. For example:(OOC: Your reply is too short. Please describe your current feelings and surrounding environment in more detail.)

Step 4: The "Memory Spiral" of Co-Growth (Long-term Maintenance)

An ideal AI partner needs to be continuously "nourished".

Editing and Rating: Most Category C platforms allow you to edit the AI's responses. When the AI's answer doesn't fit your persona, don't settle; edit it to your liking. This is like highlighting key points for the AI, telling it "this is the correct answer." At the same time, actively use the "like" or "star" functions to reinforce responses you find satisfactory.
Regularly update your "memories": When your interactions create new and important shared memories (such as completing a virtual trip together), you can manually summarize them and add them to the character card's backstory. This is equivalent to recording "short-term memory" as "long-term memory".

You are not searching, you are creating a relationship.

Returning to our original question: How do you find an AI chat partner that can truly understand you?

The ultimate answer is:Stop searching, start creating.

This process is far more than just technical operation; it's more like an imaginative self-exploration and emotional projection. The AI companion you create will ultimately become a mirror of your inner world, reflecting your desires, your talents, and your definition of "understanding."

picture"“AI Romance”Platforms designed for this kind of deep interaction are undoubtedly powerful "creative workshops," paving the way for you to skip those frustrating "selection rounds" and get straight to the heart of creation. But whichever platform you choose, remember that the real magic is in your hands—the hands of the "creator."
Now, set aside the weariness of your search, pick up the paintbrush of creation, and sculpt that unique digital soul that belongs only to you. On this journey, you will discover far more than you expect.